The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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