true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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