If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
