there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
