Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We need to feng shui this bitch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
