is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
