He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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