Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
honey bunches of taint.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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