a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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