how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
