dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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