New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
