dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
