Christians are straight up FREAKS
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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