i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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