a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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