Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize