I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
