I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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