I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
