There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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