We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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