I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
