life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you win again, gameday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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