my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
