You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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