Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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