I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
