like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
