You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
