Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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