I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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