Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
