He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
