WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
