But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
