I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
