Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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