did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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