i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize