i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
