my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
