Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
