Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
