This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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