From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize