I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
