My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
