Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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