four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
