My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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