You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
