My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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