I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
