so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
