sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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