Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
