so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
