It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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