a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
