Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
