So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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