the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
