so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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