Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
