I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
