my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
