I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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