You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
