no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
