he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
