FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
