i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
