Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
