she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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