Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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