Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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