She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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