He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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