in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
